Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts

"I love being a comedian, it's the greatest job in the world. Really, I love the hour." - Bill Hicks

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"I love being a comedian, it's the greatest job in the world. Really, I love the hour." - Bill Hicks
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"I mean, I can't be racist, my shadow's black." - joke🤣

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"I mean, I can't be racist, my shadow's black." - joke
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"Why do women love Jesus? - Because he promises a second coming." - joke

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"Why do women love Jesus? - Because he promises a second coming." - joke
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"Anytime a rich dude proposes to a woman, I feel like he's saying, "I'll bet you half my shit I'll never cheat on you."." - Michael Che

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"Anytime a rich dude proposes to a woman, I feel like he's saying, "I'll bet you half my shit I'll never cheat on you."." - Michael Che


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"I had to put my cat down, which is sad, I know. But, she slept twenty-two hours a day, so it's like two more hours." - Rosebud Baker

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"I had to put my cat down, which is sad, I know. But, she slept twenty-two hours a day, so it's like two more hours." - Rosebud Baker
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"I'm joking! I've never faked it. I've never loved someone that much." - Taylor Tomlinson

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"I'm joking! I've never faked it. I've never loved someone that much." - Taylor Tomlinson
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"An Apple product a day keeps the broke people away." - Robert Lopez

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"An Apple product a day keeps the broke people away." - Robert Lopez




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"An Apple product a year makes your money disappear." - Robert Lopez

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"An Apple product a year makes your money disappear." - Robert Lopez


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"A Man buys a 🤖robot that slaps liars He puts it on the dinner table, and explains what it is. He then asks his son where he was today when he should have been at school. "I was at school!" The robot slaps the son. "Okay, I went to the cinema." "Who were you with and what did you watch?" The father asks. "I was with my friends and we watched a Disney movie." The robot slaps the son again. "Okay, I was with a girl and we snuck into an adult movie." "That's awful." The father says "when I was your age I followed the rules and didn't chase girls." The robot slaps the father. The mother laughs "you can't be too hard on him then, he is your son after all!" The robot slaps the mother." - joke

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"A Man buys a robot that slaps liars

He puts it on the dinner table, and explains what it is. 
He then asks his son where he was today when he should have been at school. 
"I was at school!" The robot slaps the son. "Okay, I went to the cinema."
"Who were you with and what did you watch?" The father asks.
"I was with my friends and we watched a Disney movie." The robot slaps the son again. "Okay, I was with a girl and we snuck into an adult movie." 
"That's awful." The father says "when I was your age I followed the rules and didn't chase girls." The robot slaps the father.

The mother laughs "you can't be too hard on him then, he is your son after all!"

The robot slaps the mother." - joke
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"I have an alcohol🍺 problem - I don't have any." - joke

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"I have an alcohol problem - I don't have any." - joke
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"Studies show that having a 🤡clown inside a hospital proves that laughter is the best medicine, unless you have cancer, then you should get chemo." - Ben Schwartz

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"Studies show that having a clown inside a hospital proves that laughter is the best medicine, unless you have cancer, then you should get chemo." - Ben Schwartz
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"Why did the tomato blush? ...Because he saw the salad🥗 dressing." - joke

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"Why did the tomato blush? ...Because he saw the salad dressing." - joke
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"Women want four animals: a tiger in the bedroom, a mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, and a jackass to pay the bills." - Andrew Stetson II

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"Women want four animals: a tiger in the bedroom, a mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, and a jackass to pay the bills." - Andrew Stetson II
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"People are dying who have never died before."😷 - joke

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"People are dying who have never died before." - joke
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"It's true that eighty percent of statistics are false." - Elon Musk

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"It's true that eighty percent of statistics are false." - Elon Musk
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"Elon Musk is my favorite African-American." - joke

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"Elon Musk is my favorite African-American." - joke
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"If you think 'fast food' is hitting a deer at 65 miles per hour, you might be a redneck." - Jeff Foxworthy

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"If you think 'fast food' is hitting a deer at 65 miles per hour, you might be a redneck." - Jeff Foxworthy
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"Never is a good time to get married." - joke

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"Never is a good time to get married." - joke
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"I'm not trying to say that if you're White you can't complain. I'm just saying that if you're Black you get to complain more." - Louis C.K.

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"I'm not trying to say that if you're White you can't complain. I'm just saying that if you're Black you get to complain more." - Louis C.K.

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"Proof that we don't understand Death💀 is that we give dead people a pillow." - Jerry Seinfeld

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"Proof that we don't understand Death is that we give dead people a pillow." - Jerry Seinfeld
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